Obama Should Cancel Columbus Day

Why are we still celebrating this ridiculous holiday? I say Obama should abolish it and fine or imprison anyone that dares to continue with this madness. No more furniture sales. No more discounts on appliances. I will give you three good reasons why I feel this way.

1. Columbus left Europe...(why would anyone do that?)

2. He was looking for a better trade route...(obviously a free market capitalist.)

3. He found America...(the country that is solely responsible for all the wars that ever happened, global warming, guns and Glenn Beck.)

This guy is everything a liberal is not. He was creative. He was driven. Heck, he even had courage. So, let's stop this insane holiday already. We can throw this one out the window and create one for, umm, I don't know? Bastille Day?